There is one moment in the apostle Paul’s life in which I can especially relate to him. As he travels pell-mell down the road to Damascus (at least that’s how I picture him), intent on rounding up the followers of Jesus to bring them back to Jerusalem to stand trial, he dashes headlong into the arms of the Lord.
The Feast of the Conversion of Saint Paul assures us that:
we can think we’re doing the right things yet be badly mistaken and still be loved
we can be running in the wrong direction and still be loved
we can have habits and ideas and ways of acting that aren’t leading us to live God’s life and still be loved.
Both can be true at the same time.
After reading Paul’s own account of his encounter with Christ (which we celebrate on January 25 as the Conversion of St. Paul), I can breathe more deeply:
Jesus knows me…all about me…every inch of me…and he still loves me.
Jesus is never far from me, even when I think I’m far from him.
Jesus has a plan for me, a way in which I in my unique way can witness to his love in the world. If I think I haven’t discovered it yet, it may only be because I haven’t run into him yet…surrendered everything…lived with the uncomfortableness of realizing I don’t need to prove myself and save the world on my own…and received the Word that will root my heart in him….
It is interesting that any references to Paul before his “conversion” on the road to Damascus portray him as isolated. At the stoning of the deacon Stephen, Acts 7 states in one verse: “Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul” (v. 58). In chapter 8 we read: “Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off both men and women and put them in prison.” After his encounter with Christ and his incorporation into Christ and the Church through baptism, Paul never again appears alone. Tucked away in the verses of his letters we have little notes to many of his friends and co-workers, notes that are touching in their intimacy and concern for their spiritual welfare. Even when alone in prison, he is in contact with friends and missionary brothers and sisters through his letters. He is a member of the Body of Christ, and acts together with the Body of Christ in his missionary mandate.
Paul teaches me how to walk this path of love because he walked it before me.
Here is a prayer you can pray as you reflect on the Damascus Events in your own life:
Light and darkness,
sight and blindness,
power and weakness,
control and surrender.
The “Damascus event” in Paul’s life is often played out in my own,
though in a less dramatic manner.
Lord Jesus, I meet you in so many ways:
sometimes in silence and prayer,
or by stumbling to the ground of my existence.
As I journey through the days of my life,
stop me,
call out my name,
send me your dazzling light,
and take hold of me as you took hold of Paul.
Even when I kick against the goad,
even when I lack courage or when fatigue overtakes me,
even when I fall again or lose my way—
in all these moments I trust that you are with me
and that your grace is sufficient for me.
Like Paul, let me know how to be companioned by others,
allowing myself to be led by those who can point out the way to you.
Help me to be willing to listen to what you are saying to me through them.
As you sent Paul on mission, I ask that you send me forth,
to those persons with whom I am to share your Gospel.
Give me, like you gave Paul, the words and gestures
that will reveal your mercy to me,
and the love you bear for every person you have redeemed (from Live Christ! Give Christ!)
Blessed James Alberione, founder of the Pauline Family, also taught us how to walk this path:
“Herein lies perfection for the Christian, the religious, and the priest. It is to root oneself totally in Jesus Master Way (will), Truth (mind), and Life (feeling); indeed, it is to reach the high point of our personality. It is I who think in Jesus Christ, I who love in Jesus Christ, I who will in Jesus Christ; or Christ who thinks in me, loves in me, wills in me. Practical point. Saint Augustine presages the structure of the exercises and their outcome when he says: ‘Man is a pilgrim; the starting point is sin; the goal is God; the way that leads to him is Jesus Christ.’ Now man is gifted with intelligence, will and feeling. To think in Christ we need to meditate on the truths he preached; to will in Christ we need to contemplate on his life, from his Incarnation to his glorification; to love in Christ we must make his heart ours; banishing every other love and focusing on the twofold love of Jesus Christ for the Father and for us human beings” (Ut perfectus sit homo dei, instruction vi – The Spiritual Exercises and the Call).
Saint Paul, the Apostle, pray for us!
Image credit: Bartolomé Esteban Murillo, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons